Battering vs. Anger

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How do I know if my partner has a bad temper or if my partner is (or might become) a batterer?

Usually, people who have a problem with anger management have trouble controlling their tempers in all kinds of situations, and in all kinds of places.

Usually, people who are batterers commit most of their attacks, both verbal and physical, behind closed doors.

Usually, people who have a problem with anger management target anyone and everyone: their bosses, their co-workers, strangers, people who cut them off in traffic, their family members and friends, and others.

Usually, people who are batterers target only their family members, including children and pets.

Usually, people who are batterers exhibit other types of control and abuse, such as:

  • Stalking (including electronic)
  • Control of Finances
  • Harassing
  • Restraining or limiting partner’s movements
  • Isolating
  • Extreme jealousy
  • Verbal Abuse
  • Waiting until behind closed doors to “lose it”

 

Domestic Violence Batterer Behavior

  • Batterer looks for or sets up provocation to use as an excuse for “losing it” or “getting pushed over the edge,” and is often able to delay acting out the anger; thus controlled and premeditated.
  • “Loss of temper” is strategic and often unrelated to triggers
  • Batterer often has plan for outcome of assault. May threaten beforehand, and then carry it out as promised.
  • “Loss of temper” is only, or most often, directed at partner
  • Victims are often those over whom the batterer has control, or over whom the batterer is seeking control; nearly always an intimate partner or ex-partner

 

Anger Management Problem Behavior

  • Partner responds impulsively to provocation and therefore needs to manage his or her response
  • Loss of temper is immediate response to trigger or provocation
  • No strategy; no plan
  • “Loss of temper” is directed at anyone, both close to and unfamiliar to the offender
  • Victims may be anyone who is in close proximity or who has triggered the anger; an example of this would be “Road Rage”

 

If you feel unsafe in your relationship, please call USAFV and speak to an advocate. Our crisis line is available 24/7 at 581-1500.

USAFV is funded, in part, by the Citizens of the City of Unalaska.